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~*~The Butterfly Spreads Her Wings~*~

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Mandy Brocklehurst

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A Secret [26 Sep 2003|08:43am]
[ mood | confused ]

I spent Saturday night studying with some friends by the lake, just like I spend every single Saturday. However, this day was very different from a normal weekend study session. Annamaria thinks that I am going insane, and quite frankly, I think she's right.

[Private] I finally found out why Blaise has been acting so strange latley. I overheard him talking with Draco and some girl and he revealed to them that his parents were murdered by aurors. I'm going mad, because instead of feeling happy, I am absolutley devistated. His behavior is hard to watch because he is normally rather cheerful and exuberant. I am sure that Mum and dad know by now, and that they are thrilled. The Zabini's were a great threat to the wizarding world, but Blaise doesn't strike me as a Zabini. I never saw him in that way, and I don't think that I ever will. Oh well, I don't want to run into him anytime soon. It would be rather awkward since I know what happened, and I don't think that he wants me to know. [Private]

brings out rebellion .

An interesting documentation of last nights roller coaster ride. [15 Sep 2003|11:38pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Blaise had a very innocent idea that we all go shopping and head to a back to school bash in Hogsmeade. Of course I agreed, because I figured that it would give me the opportunity to get to know him better, and also to spend social time with all my ravenclaw girls. However, Draco Malfoy invited himself and at first that was completley fine with me. I bought a rediculously expensive dress that I didn't even wear and never will, but that is beside the point at the moment. After shopping at witchazelli, Blaise became distracted by someone and left me with Draco. I was hungry so we walked to a nearby restaurant and before we could even order he walked out on me. I followed him out and I guess from that second on, there was a tumultous fight between us. Honestly, I don't even know him and he was already pushing all of my buttons. It takes a lot of me to become stressed or angered but he seemed to be taking me to that point. Finally Blaise rejoined us and I decided that I wanted to go back into the dorms and attempt some sort of spell so that I could see Sterling again. However, just as I was looking up what I need Malfoy was right there again! He pointed out the spell that I needed but then again went on to taunt me with the fact that it would never work because of the rules of the ministry. He's a thorn in my side and I don't like being around him that much. I stated earlier that he doesn't frighten me, however he is very unstable and that's emotionally draining to have to deal with. Then he propositioned me and of course I declined because the last thing I would do is fuck such an arrogant, person.Especially since I don't love him and he was the one that caused me to retreat back to the dorms. I know I beleive in giving everyone chances and that I will befriend mostly anyone, even those that others pick on. But, in his case I am starting to beleive that it's hopeless. Now supposedly Evelyn is angry with me but I'm not worried. I don't seek anyone's aproval and I don't care if I am liked or not. As long as I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing, then I feel fine. I guess their must be something in the Slytherin water.. they are all so tempermental. Oh! Speaking of tempermental... I cried in front of Malfoy! Can you beleive it? No one at Hogwarts has ever seen me cry or feel flustered about anything. I'm usually calm and in control but like I said he took me to that point, but it was only because I realized that I will truly never see Sterling again. Then I saw this monsterous creature before me, and realized that this will be the only kind of boy that will ever come into my life. A pure blooded, money obsessed, peice of ice. It's the kind of man that mum and father would be happy to see me with. And because of that reason I am going to go back to being the way that I was was in regard to that issue. I will live happily alone and support myself without the guidance of any sort of stone cold monster. Why can't they all be care free and bright eyed like Sterling? He could spend all day being kissed by the water, and appreciate the natural wonders around him without even thinking of anything practical. He sees beauty in the normal muggle things and that is very rare for most muggles. I need to remove him from my mind because he is just a bitter wish that I will never reach. I don't even know what's going on with me anyway, this whole boy business. It's really getting in the way of my studies since it's the middle of the night and I just woke up to write this. I hope this insomnia goes away before the tests start coming up, I need to be in my right mind for those.

brings out rebellion .

Misunderstanding Draco Malfoy [13 Sep 2003|02:27am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

I had a run in with Evelyn for the first time since school had started. She was spilling her frustrations to me about Draco Malfoy. Ever since I started Hogwarts, I would always feel very strange around him. It was never a bad or intimidated feeling, it was more of an alert feeling. I always feel like I have to defend, my personality and my actions in front of him. After Evelyn and I chatted I nearly fell to the floor and cracked my skull as Malfoy and I ran into each other. We had an interesting conversation and we both came to the conclusion that we will never understand each other. I liked, the conversation though. It wasn't as hostile as I was expecting it to be and I realized that the reason I have to defend my personality and my intentions is because he just does not get me. But I don't get him either, and he made me well aware of that. I think that Evelyn is a bit obsessive and I honestly beleive that love is a thing that one should cherish and fight for. However, there is also a time when you have to move on, if that love is not reciprocated. Draco confided in me that he is going to retaliate by treating her cruelly. I told him that even though I agree that she's going overboard, I still don't think he should be cruel. Maybe, she will find a new boy and go after him soon. I'm starting class with the new professor soon. She is an interesting individual I must say, the kind that mum and dad would never let me be around. But then again, Sterling is the kind of boy that mum and dad would never allow me to be around either. And that is percisley the reason why they have no idea that he exists. He is coming to England over Christmas holidays and I cannot stop thinking about it. I want to bring him to hogwarts but it would be insane, I know. He's a muggle, he can't come here. I want to see him so much. I didn't even get the opportunity to taste his mouth. He smelled like rain and silver. (don't ask me what silver smells like)

3 Knows purity. º
brings out rebellion .

Muggles Cause Complications [08 Sep 2003|07:08am]
As promised, I'm going to reveal a little bit about vacationing with my parents, and also about this boy. I have been dying to get things off of my chest concerning him, and I am glad I have some sort of outlet to do so! We portkeyed to muggle Los Angeles, California which was a complete cross cultural experience for me. Most of our time was spent lounging around the endless beach, in an area called long beach. There were a lot of people there close ot my own age that were doing something rather interesting. They were gliding on the water and riding the waves. I had never seen anything like it and it slightly reminded me of quiditch, but of course completely different in it's own right. Then I saw him, he was gliding onto a sparkling blue wave and the sun was so strong that it made it seem as if, even he was sparkling as well. He looked like some sort of mystical being that I read about in my school books. I couldn't contain my excitement and I let out a burst of laughter as I watched him conquer the beast like water. He was so talented at this water gliding business and I was completley entranced. most of my time is usually not spent dwelling on the opposite sex, since I never found anyone worthy of my thoughts, I guess. I'm not trying to sound cocky in saying this, but I was just always oblivious to the male race until Sterling. So, anyway I'm kind of getting off track so let me continue with the story. He spied me watching him and the most peculier thing happened, he fell off of the device that he used to glide with! 1 2 3 4 5.. seconds went by and he had not appeared from underneath the strong currant that had pulled him under. Then I decided that I would not let destiny claim his life and that I was going to intervene. So I quickley conjured up a spell that I learned last year and before I knew it, he had risen out of the water like a triumphant prince and he was dangling in the air! Then I noticed that I had made myself very very obvious because the reactions on the beach were shocking! My mom and dad had gone off to enjoy a bite to eat so thankfully they were not there to see me, use my magic so openly. I had no choice though, something inside of me FORCED me to save him. Then I quickley said another spell and he fell right back into the water but this time it was shallow enough so that he could swim to shore. As he got out of the water he started walking towards me and I was very afraid so I grabbed my things and turned my back to him and I just started to walk! There was no way that I was going to explain myself to him and I was too nervous to speak. I was struggling to figure out the sensation which I felt for him and why it was there. I needed to figure that out, before I could speak to him. But it was too late, because as I was half way toward the board walk I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around expecting to see him but not expecting to feel my heart speed up and my hormones to kick in full force. "grab a hold of yourself" I screamed inside of my brain but logical argument was not working at the moment like it normally did. "Is it just me.. or did we have a moment out there" he said with a sweet smile as he extended his hand to me! Oh that strong yet slender, tanned hand was not angry or even demanding any sort of explanation! I grabbed onto him.. and we shook each other's hands for what seemed to be entirely too long but I didn't mind because I was in bliss. "A moment..? yes I think we did have a moment!" I said with a slight blush and a giggle. And I must tell you I usually never, ever blush, OR giggle in that sort of manner! "Yeah, in fact I'm positive of it, until I ruined it by taking a slight spill" he said with a warm laugh. And that was how it all began, I'm sure I will never see him again, but a part of me thinks that I will, because I don't know what possessed me to make myself so vulnerable and exposed by doing magic in the muggle world! It must be love!
brings out rebellion .

A Bittersweet Return [06 Sep 2003|01:43pm]
I woke up this morning and it had finally become clear to me that school had finally begun once again. I have classes coming up very shortly so I can't write for very long. Half of me was anticpating the return to Hogwarts but another part of me wished that I could be back home and enjoy extra time with the family. I am afraid that mother and dad are growing accustomed to not having me around the house, because when I came home I seemed to be an almost invisible presence to them. Like some sort of appirition that was there and could be seen but wasn't really there, if that makes any sort of sense. Don't get me wrong, all of us enjoyed ourselves, and portkeyed to America where we had our first real vacation (more on that later), but it seemed like mom and dad were busy with their respective careers. All mom talked about was the new coven that she had been invited to join. Supposedly it is a very prestigious coven and only the select elite of the craft can be invited to join. It was wonderful for me to share my happiness with her, but every time I mentioned school she seemed to tune me out, and her eyes became blank. I met a boy, but there is a huge moral dillema involved. My parents don't know that he is fully muggle and if they were to ever find out that I even spoke to him, they would chop my fucking head off and serve it on a platter. I told him that I was a witch, and that it ran through my family's blood line, and he just laughed at me and called me "a quirky little goth", whatever that means. I really love him though... I think
brings out rebellion .

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